This father's day, there has been some controversy over the words President Barak Obama spoke regarding fatherhood and its importance in family life. I can honestly state that this is one issue in which I actually agree with our president. And it is not just an African-American problem, but a human problem that crosses all ethnic and religious boundaries. Therefore, I wish to make the following call to all men who either have biological children, or are with a woman who has children by another man: be a father. Anyone with a functional male organ can be a baby-daddy. It takes a real man to be a father.
I'm not saying you have to marry the mother of your children, or that you even have to be with that person. I am saying we all as fathers have an obligation, albeit a difficult yet rewarding one, to be a significant, positive part of our children's lives.
As a man who has a child I can speak to this issue. Being a father is not always easy. Like anything worthwhile it takes hard work and self-sacrifice to be a father to your children. I have changed hundreds of diapers, made thousands of bottles of formula, spent countless hours holding, cradling, rocking and swaying my daughter. I have sacrificed time with friends, family and time alone for my daughter. I have sacrificed countless hours of sleep and rest for her sake. I have worked long hours at work for overtime pay to provide for my family. And this is the bare minimum of what is required of a father. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I have made more than my fair share of parental "oopsies" in the past year since my daughter was born. There have been the occasional boo-boos and a few unnoticed soiled diapers. But the wonderful thing about it is that kids at this age are very forgiving which allows for the parental learning process to unfold naturally.
But here's the great news: the sacrifice is not without reward. I have gained more joy in the past year getting to know this beautiful little girl than I have in the whole of my entire life doing anything else. My daughter Lola has brought my wife and I closer together than we have ever been, she has made me laugh harder than anything else ever has, and she has made me proud to be a father.
The reward is not one-sided either. It's a win-win for you and your children as well. Being there for your children has a lasting impact on their lives and who they become. I know my daughter will be better off for the time I spent with her, and that alone makes every second worthwhile. I can already see, in her 11 month old eyes, joy at my return from work, and sadness when I go away. That alone has given more meaning and purpose to my life and work than any other worldly thing could. And that is just a small piece of it.
Finally and, I believe, most importantly being a father has shown me the deepest bond of love that a human being can have. My wife and daughter have become my most valued treasures in this whole world. And my love for them both is indescribable. This love comes naturally and easily with time. And it makes all the hard work, sacrifice and sleep deprivation much easier and definitely worthwhile.
So dads, be dads to your kids. You and they will all be very glad you did.
DH out.
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